Unconventional Infantry Gear

One-handed

0 creds - Grenade Pack

Do you remember, as a child, when you hurled mashed potatoes at the wall just to watch it stick? Now you can continue that pastime as an adult – but careful, because grenades don't tend to stick. We're not going to bother telling you what everything does – you've run with crime before, so you ought to know exactly how all this garbage works already.

0 creds - Nanoglob Pack

You want to bring the pain, right? This is how you bring the pain. Every fleshy, sparkling silver-blue nanoglob squeeze ball contains enough liquid hatred to fuel a third galactic war. The nanoglobs burst on impact with a surface, exposing the pressurized liquid to the outside environment. As it boils, it spews out an aerosol cloud of nanobots that live for one purpose: to chew their way into heat sources and cause as much agony to nerve tissue as they can. For a few minutes, your foes will scream in utter agony, writhing around on the floor in utter agony while you look on, a satisfied smile on your face as you ponder how disappointing it is that your bliss cannot last forever.

0 creds - Sword

What has wide eyes, two arms and one hand? Give up? If you try to show off, it'll be you, dumbass. Quite possibly one of oldest weapons in existence. As it was the primary weapon used in prehistoric times, it's hardly a surprise that we get so many requests for it. Great for lopping off somebody's arm (or even your own), and we'll custom-design yours based on your request, but don't ask for anything too ridiculous or I'll ignore you. This sword is free; therefore it is cheap. Regardless of what you ask us to make it out of, it's likely to break if you use it improperly. Best keep that in mind.

0 creds - Taser

In another of the ironic twists that Tartarus Inc. has grown fond of, you get to use a weapon that's traditionally been a part of law enforcement since the early days. While it can take a bit of skill to get it to a gun-toting target, it will almost certainly incapacitate said target when you manage. Even better, as it only takes one hand, that leaves you free to strike with a more lethal weapon without any trouble at all. People with sufficient endurance may be able to resist - to an extent.

0 creds - Kinetic Gauntlet

You're a man of small brains and big fists. You like to hit things. When you hit things, you're happy. We want to help make you happy. With this thing, you can hit other things and hurt them. That's good. You like to hurt things. When you punch things now, they will be hurt more than if you had just hit them with your fists. If you're good, they might break. We're here to help you break things, and we'll talk in short words so you know what we mean, too. Just try not to hit your own self. We know it can be hard hard not to. You're not that bright of a guy.

0 creds - Gravitic Shotgun

A rather utilitarian weapon originally from Mimir Corporation, the gravitic shotgun is not one that aims to be cool by itself. In yet another ironic twist, this weapon is more for the intelligent fighter than a brawler, despite being called a shotgun. Safe, reliable, and practically impossible to miss with, this small, compact weapon has proved itself time and time again. Instead of you looking like the fool, your enemies do, as they tumble around on the ground in front of you and stab themselves with their own weapons. In a pinch you can use it to launch yourself into the air, but in these use cases you're less intelligent and more retarded and reckless - in other words, exactly what I expect from you morons.

Two-handed

0 creds - Longsword

What has wide eyes, two arms and one hand? Give up? If you try to show off, it'll be you, dumbass. Quite possibly one of oldest weapons in existence. As it was the primary weapon used in prehistoric times, it's hardly a surprise that we get so many requests for it. Great for lopping off somebody's arm (or even your own), and we'll custom-design yours based on your request, but don't ask for anything too ridiculous or I'll ignore you. This sword is free; therefore it is cheap. Regardless of what you ask us to make it out of, it's likely to break if you use it improperly. Best keep that in mind.

0 creds - Crossbow

Wanted to be a caveman and were upset we didn't have any clubs? Never fear, we have you covered. While it won't take you back to the caveman days, this weapon is a decent throwback to medieval times for those of you that can't find the business end of a gun. Its primary (and, really, only) advantage over normal ranged weaponry is that you can mix and match multiple ammo types. You could get a sticky tip and a glow bolt to light up a dark ceiling, or a piercing tip and an explosive bolt to make something blow up in a man's gut. The possibilities are staggering, regardless of whether your intelligence is.

0 creds - Tesla Gun

A miniaturized version of the ship-mounted Tesla Arc Projector, the Tesla Gun is an unusual weapon that combines handheld weaponry with bolts of directed lightning. Excellent for frying unprotected circuitry or torturing teammates. Requires some degree of skill to use appropriately, and fires in bursts rather than a constant stream. If anyone attempts to use one on me I will merely laugh at you as I activate my wall-mounted turrets - provided I humored you long enough to let you get it here.

0 creds - Electron Sword

So, you want to lop your arm off, and a regular sword just isn't good enough for you. You're looking for something that hums with pure energy, something that'll cut steel as well as flesh. You're looking for something that's dangerous to even look at. You're looking for the Proton Saber. Dangerous enough for us to enforce a certain level of training just to use it, this thing creates a powerful, minutely accurate electromagnetic field to channel protons into the form of a blade. In case it's not completely obvious, that also means this thing doesn't actually block items - it destroys them. Using this beast to parry is not a good idea. …Ever. Has a tendency to short out right when you need it most.

0 creds - Plasma Baton

This is a weapon based off a design belonging to Mimir Corporation. It's essentially a band of fuck you held in place around a bar of suck it. In case it's not entirely obvious, people don't generally like getting hit with this sort of hybrid monstrisity. Excellent against armor and even better without, this is a great blunt weapon for every occasion, especially if you plan to smash things or burn them. While everything's a toy if you're brave enough, there are a few things you simply shouldn't consider using, and this is one of those few. Make sure the hot girl in squad 4 understands.

Heavy Weapons

Heavy weapons take up more than one slot and can only be held with both hands, but are capable of extraordinary things. Some may have limited ammo.
A second heavy weapon costs three slots instead of two.

0 creds - Plasma Bomb Launcher

This is a weapon based off a design belonging to Mimir Corporation. While essentially an oversized grenade launcher, this thing shoots bombs of plasma instead of grenades. The accuracy is terrible at any range except point blank, but it shoots multiple projectiles at a time to help balance that out. Due to its tendency to rip through targets, we would also advise you not to use it at point blank. People have done that before. It doesn't tend to fare well for anyone involved. In fact, it's best if you use this thing at range - and it excels at making your enemies take cover to avoid the hail of explosions. Try not to shoot it at your own feet. Please?

0 creds - Laser Sword

Our esteemed engineers, sick and tired of you loser inmates declaring your love for anime, Star Wars, and mecha in general, have built a laser sword - just for you. Big, heavy, and bulky, it's nevertheless quite powerful if you wield it correctly. By adjusting the beam, you can make it sweep across areas of up to 20 meters at a time, easily bisecting, decapitating, or otherwise incapacitating multiple aliens and other disreputable members of the dark side. We're still trying to figure out the inmate backlash of how "that's not how it's supposed to work", but for now, at least try to be happy with this incredibly powerful toy we've given you.

0 creds - Defensive Turret

This turret is large, it's heavy, and it's exceedingly useful in tactical situations. One of the few truly defensive weapons we sell, this turret can be set up in any location regardless of gravity. It's good at putting in places you don't want to be, or places you know it's going to get destroyed. If you want to leave it behind, it's really no loss. While it's rather stupid and has trouble hitting fast targets, it will fight to the bitter end for its - and your - survival. In fact, now that I think about it, it's a lot like you. Effectiveness of this turret is based on how well you're able to program it. If you can't program it well, it's going to have trouble hitting anything.

0 creds - Flamethrower

Exactly what it says on the box. Heavy, unwieldy, and flings flames everywhere - or other various vile, volatile substances. While it has many uses, the primary is to simply cause chaos. A lot of fire isn't going to do much harm to a guy in a spacesuit, as I'm sure you know, but it'll definitely screw some other things up. Tends to work a lot better under atmosphere - after all, you are spraying liquids with it, and those don't generally play well with vacuums. They also don't play well with teammates. I'd say to use your best judgement, but we all know how that typically ends.

0 creds - Gravity Gun

Thanks to some tech and Anomalous Materials we stole from Mimir Corporation, we've put together a rather powerful prototype weapon. In our first field tests, you idiots thought it was some kind of push-me pull-you gun, and fired it at things two meters away. What the hell, really? It's not even a rocket launcher. It doesn't even look like a rocket launcher. Are your reflexes really that deeply embedded in your psyche? This thing fires a slow-moving bolt that creates an intense gravitational field, pulling things towards the center. For the most part it's not strong enough to kill someone with, but it'll do a great job of knocking people off their feet and pulling them out of cover, and they're not going to feel that great if they're caught in the blast when it explodes.

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