Tales

The Adventures of Skad and Donald

<BFett> Cha0zz, you might end up MVI
<Cha0zz> MVI?
<BFett> Most Valuable Inmate
<Talvieno> Dinosawer gets Most Exciting Adventures
<Talvieno> For bringing a turret down on top of himself. =P
<BFett> It was an insane and exciting thing to read
<BFett> It's something I think he'll be talking about for years
<Cha0zz> you know kids
<Cha0zz> shall I tell you the story of that one day that I almost crashed a turret on my head?
<BFett> always trying to impress people?
<Cha0zz> *Yes grandpa!
<Cha0zz> Ok, here I go.
<Cha0zz> It was a dark day in august
<Cha0zz> me and my team were out on a mission to recover some alien tech.
<Cha0zz> *alien tech? ooooh!
<Cha0zz> :P

<Talvieno> Well, see, back in the day, we didn't have those fancy-shmancy ships you younguns flit around in now.
<Talvieno> We had boxes.
<Talvieno> Thin boxes.
<Talvieno> With an engine on one side.
<Talvieno> And see, we called 'em caskets, 'cause like as not, if you got in one, you were dead, see.
<Talvieno> And they were STILL built better than the stuff they have now.
<Talvieno> They don't make 'em like they used to.
<Cha0zz> they even had rubber ducks for when you wanted to take a bath?
<Talvieno> You got it! The whole shebang.
<Talvieno> Nowadays they have all these *spits* "Safety Features" so you can't even wet yourself without an alarm going off. In the good old days, they took your little box, attached it to a bigger box…
<Talvieno> and then flung it off the side of the bigger box towards whatever hellhole they wanted you ta look at.
<Talvieno> Trusted you'd be smart enough not to get yourself killed.
<Talvieno> With these newfangled ships you can't even breathe with all the airbags and armor plating and garbage.
<Talvieno> Back then they knew how to build a ship. They knew how to build it wrong. And they built it wrong [right].
<Talvieno> So, anyway, me and my squaddies - Spud and Deeno, I think they were - were tryna get these turret things down. They really don't build those like they used to - big ol' things, few hundred meters high.
<Talvieno> And you know what those aliens probably called it?
<Talvieno> You know what they probably thought of it as?
<Talvieno> Standard.
<Talvieno> Shows how far you younguns have fallen.
<Talvieno> Now, me and my bros, Skid and Donnie, we were trying to take this turret thing down.
<Talvieno> But see, the turrets were tryna do the same to us.
<Talvieno> So I just turned tail. I ran, dammit, and I'm not afraid to say it! I'm no coward. I'm not gonna cower behind paperwork and records like some pee-pants sissy you have locked up in offices these days
<Talvieno> no, if I have something to say, I'm gonna say it! That's how things shoulda been done back in the war.
<Talvieno> Now… where was I again…
<Talvieno> Oh, yes. *clacks dentures* Scod and Danny.
<Talvieno> So. Scod and Danny were inside the turret - don't know how they got in, probably some ingenious way you younguns would never come up with - and they find this generator thing in the middle, see.
<Talvieno> We aren't wasteful like you kids these days. We know exactly how much power we need, and we make it. No fancy-shmancy generators the size of your mom's arse that we'll never use.
<Talvieno> But they had to take the generator down, see?
<Talvieno> And they took it down [right]. Not a soldier these days could do a better job.
<Talvieno> Why, when they took it down, that whole asteroid broke to pieces because of it - wasn't any cheap "disable and run like sissies" job, neither. Where'd I put my glasses…
<Talvieno> Oh, they're on my head. Well, they came out of that turret fighting off hordes of aliens and demons - drones shooting blasts every which way, but they remembered their training.
<Talvieno> They took them [down], they did. Donald almost died at one point, told Skad to leave him behind. Skad didn't, though. We did things right back then.
<Talvieno> Hauled him back over his shoulder, with only [one tentacle] free to shoot the advancing horde. One tentacle! Like to see any of you kids do that.
<Talvieno> Of course, I didn't see it myself.
<Talvieno> I was at the alien base.
<Talvieno> Doing a handstand.
<Talvieno> It was how we saluted people back then.
<Talvieno> Ahhhh, the good old days.

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